The Dolphin Girl Library, The Ocean of Thoughts

Hiya again!

Hi everyone! How’s your day? Mine was awesome! We have this competition called Technothlon this weekend, it’s sort of like a logic puzzle thing. My parabatai Dolphin Girl and I are participating as a team. We just finished practicing for it a little before this. I’m so nervous, it’s hilarious. The winning team gets to go to NASA, and even though I’ve gone there, I really want to again. Make sense? Well, I don’t actually have much hope since we’ll be competing against a lot of other teams. Wish us luck!

Also, as I’ve probably told you before, Dolphin Girl and I maintain a sort of journal, where we write our innermost thoughts, and things that are troubling us. I mainly started this for her, since God knows that girl keeps internalising everything. 

Well today, she gave me the journal with a serious expression, and left the class. I read the entire thing, and it was long. Four pages. And there were tear stains on it. It absolutely broke my heart. Dolphin Girl, as you all know, is not a girl who cries. And the fact that she has suicidal thoughts, among others, made me terribly sad. I thought that I knew what was going on in her head. Her parents keep down playing her emotions, and tell her to focus on her studies. My parents are sort of the same, so I get it. 

And when we had our fight, I actually told her that I don’t think we’ll be the same ever again. She thought that this meant I was going to leave her. She wrote that she won’t be able to bear it if I left her, because I was the only one she’d opened up to like this. 

And also, my father is nagging me about my career choice, again. And this time, it’s everyday. He comes home, and begins his speech. It is so irritating. Instead of helping me, and giving me opportunities to try out what I want to choose, he keeps telling me that it’s not right for me. How will I know it isn’t right for me if I don’t try it? He doesn’t understand that. God. It just makes me so angry. Well, I really hope your parents aren’t like this, haha. 

Invisible Girl, becoming visible again~

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The Ocean of Thoughts

Questions to the World

Hi everyone! I’m back, again. Right now I’m listening to a playlist sent to me by my friend. Let’s keep her name as Summer. She reminds me of summers, so I think that name suits her. So let’s get to business. Yeah, so my classroom got changed a few days back. And the new one is so small, and there’s a stink coming from outside, and the blackboard sucks. But it’s ok, cause my friends are there with me.

Also, we had a debate a few days ago, about whether we should spend money on space exploration or improving the condition of people on earth. I voted for space exploration. But when I was asked to state my reasons for choosing so, I got up, and my heart started beating so fast, and my hands were shaking like leaves. I felt like I would faint. I either had an unwarned panic attack, or I still have social anxiety. It makes me sad, I tried so hard all these years to lose it, to stand up in a crowd with confidence and show everyone what I am. I won Best Delegate in a MUN last year, so I thought that maybe my public speaking skills are improving, and maybe, just maybe, I might not get so anxious anymore. But it all went spiralling down. 

And then there’s this girl in my class. I won’t give her a name, because she’s not that close to me. She’s sort of pretty, but as my best friend Summer once said, people are only truly beautiful when they can be dark-skinned and still be beautiful. Not racist or anything, but most people in India regard fair-skinned people as beautiful, no matter whether they actually are. Whenever she tries to tell someone to do something, especially the boys, they laugh in her face, and go. I’ve heard many of the boys talking about her behind her back, merely as a pretty face, nothing else. It’s like she has no presence, no meaning, except that she’s pretty. Is that how boys think girls are? In that case, I’m actually grateful I’m popular for my awards, creativity and grades rather than my face. 

Also, sometimes I think people become friends with me just because I’m popular. Like they ask me to do stuff for them, give them my notes, my tips, so that they can become better. And people in my class regard me as a benchmark of success. For example, if someone beats me, they make a big deal out of it, and scream that they’ve beaten me in one thing. I mean, I know that I always get Academic Excellence in my school (sort of like valedictorian), but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being a person and suddenly become a benchmark. It’s irritating. I am not my grades, not my art, not even my pretty face. I am something much more substantial that that, a girl who can end you if you get on her nerves, whose sassiness is always on the max level, and whose brain works overtime. That’s why I like talking to you guys, even if no one reads my posts. You don’t know me for all those things, you know me as who I am. As the InvisibleGirl.

InvisibleGirl, becoming visible again~

Uncrazy things

Hello World!

InvisibleGirl here. 

I’ve decided to start a blog. 

Why, you may ask? Well, my brain has a lot of stuff inside it, and it’ll burst if I don’t get it out somewhere. I’ve tired to keep a diary, but my brother and parents find it all the time, and they’re particularly private things that they don’t know inside it, so…. you can probably see why keeping a diary in my house is dangerous. 

So I decided, out of the blue, one day to, you know, start blogging. My passion is writing, and even though my life is pretty boring, I try to do something fun everyday.

There’s also no point in keeping a diary. You write stuff in it, it gets stored somewhere, to probably get thrown as trash later. It’s better to make a blog where people can learn from stupid stuff I’ve done and how not to repeat them in the future. 

I also don’t want to worry about sounding stupid, or too emotional, too cliche to people around me. I want to be able to say what I want to say, the way I want to say it. That’s why this blog is anonymous. So I can be me, without worrying about all the strings attached. 

My friends would probably shake their heads at my decision, because I’m actually a very bubbly person in real life, and so me, keeping a secret? Nah. And also the fact that I have so many secrets, this one just adds to the pile, so I don’t mind. But I don’t listen to them. Friends are meant to irritate, not to give sagely advice (sometimes). They’re also meant to be with you so you don’t wander around lost and alone. Well, more on that later. 

But they don’t know about me and my bursting head. Not everything about it. It sometimes makes me anxious when I put my ideas out in the open, and since I absolutely have to, I’m just the InvisibleGirl, and not a real name, with a real internet presence. I also feel like being a teenage girl is a miracle on it’s own, and why are we not given awards just for existing? And going to school everyday? That’s how the world should be run. Everyone should be given awards for things that seem trivial, but aren’t. Especially us teenagers.

I also know that no matter how other teenage girls feel, whether they’re popular or a wallflower, we’re all the same. We’re all trying to make the best of a world that does it’s very best to push us down. So maybe one day we can all stop trying to add to that pressure, and maybe get together and do something (maybe sing songs around the campfire (that’d be one huge fire though)). 

But, until we all have a mass realisation, I’m going to try to continue existing like how I am, and try to make a few other lives easier. I’m going to speak out loud (atleast here) and hope that whoever’s listening will join me. It’d be awesome to have a kind of forum where we can all talk about our problems and help our fellow girls. And do a lot of other fun stuff too. 

Oh, before I forget, I also love drawing. And writing poems and stories. Also, I’m in love with taking photos. Photos are my fave part of art, because they’re all in the real world, and all you have to do is click a photo at the exact right time. Then, whenever you see the photo, you’re reminded of that time and experience a little bit of the emotion you felt when you took it. So I’ll be posting a lot of photos, and maybe poems (if you want them), over here. 

Well, I guess that’s it. Thanks so much for taking our some of your time reading this (if anyone is). And if you like what I’m doing, tell me in the comments below! Then maybe we can do this together, and one day, maybe sing around a campfire?

InvisibleGirl, becoming visible again~