Crazy Things, The Ocean of Thoughts, Uncrazy things

Reluctant Reunion

Hi everyone! So yesterday, I had decided that if DolphinGirl didn’t talk to me this morning, then I would understand it as a signal that it is over and I would not bother her after that. She didn’t. She completely ignored me. As a result, I decided that enough was enough and I would not spend the rest of my day grovelling for her forgiveness when she could not understand the simple fact that it was her fault as well. So I put on my best happy face, and boy, did it work. I was laughing and smiling and talking all day, and she was so hurt when she noticed I wasn’t begging for her to come back. I know I’m sounding really rude and mean, but I felt like that.

 Then in the afternoon, I apologised again, when we were in the hospital, waiting to go back to school (the fieldtrip) because I felt that it was too stupid to not give her a second chance. To my surprise, she accepted. We both maintain this sort of journal where we write our innermost thoughts, and through that she told me that she knew it was her fault too, and so she forgave me. I can’t help but think I will never look at her in the same way again. I will probably never look at someone the same way again. She has damaged my feelings irrevocably, and now whatever I do, I can’t bring that old me back. I no longer feel close to anyone, not even her. This is a violation of our parabatai bond, but yeah. She’s still the person I trust the most in the world though. I will always trust her with my life. But I won’t get close to anyone ever again, not like that, where their disappearance can kill me. 

Also, the fieldtrip was fun. We had so much stuff to learn, and we saw a kidney dialysis happening, and other things. It was good. And my mom made the best veggie rolls ever. So today was a changed day, if not a normal one. Has anyone gone through a similar experience? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Invisible Girl, becoming visible again~

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The Ocean of Thoughts

Silent Tears

Life had been treating me nicely till now. I’d been getting amazing marks in my tests, and everything was going smoothly. So obviously, I had to do something to ruin it. Today, in math class, my teacher was saying something about going ahead. To which my best friend, DolphinGirl, just said bye. I laughed out loud, and I told everyone what she had said. At that time, I had thought it was just a funny joke. But later the math teacher came and scolded her in front of me. She talked about how she never expected this stuff from her, and she had thought that DolphinGirl respected elders, among other stuff. She really loves this teacher, cause she teaches math. And I destroyed all of that in an instant. She stopped talking to me, and even going near me, and honestly? I don’t blame her. I haven’t talked to her the entire day, because she wanted space, and I really don’t know what to do. It’s horrible. I was in tears almost the entire day, and now I’m keeping my cool because I slept in the bus and as a result I’m not feeling that emotional anymore. I was laughing and smiling in class. When I don’t want to cry or get angry, I bury it deep inside. As a result I don’t feel that emotion anymore, and nor do I even think about the incident. That’s what I did today. I think she took offence.

Well, anyway, we have a fieldtrip tomorrow. We’re going to a hospital to see the process of kidney dialysis. I can’t wait! I’ll try to fit in all my details tomorrow. It’s going to be fun, I think. If DolphinGirl leaves me alone, I think I’ll be able to move on. She is or was my best friend of two years, and we both are as thick as thieves. I’ve never been so close to anyone before, because I have a fear of people leaving me. That fear is coming true, again. I probably won’t trouble anyone anymore. It’s not worth making friends only for them to leave you, whether it’s your fault or theirs. 

A few weeks ago, my dad called me vulnerable for crying so much. I hope he will be proud to know that today was the first day I cried after a month. 
Invisible Girl, becoming visible again~