The Ocean of Thoughts

Career Decisions

Hi again! I know I keep talking about my problems here, but I don’t have anyone else to share these with. My grandfather has wanted someone in his family so be a doctor ever since forever. He wanted one of his grandchildren to fulfil his dream. And me, getting the best grades in my entire family and class, was the obvious choice. Now, at I’m in 10th grade, is the crucial time where I decide what I want to become and what I need to do to become that. I have always leaned towards the arts. I love drawing and designing. I know some may consider it as a waste of my talent. Yes, I may be a whiz in math or physics. But no, I do not want to do somehting in those fields. I had gone to a very prestigious workshop last year for the arts, where only 24 children from India get selected, and there, I had discovered my love for design. Most of you wouldnt have heard about it, buts it’s quite big in the art world. As much as I want to tell you the name, I cannot. My identity will be narrowed down to less than 24 other people then. After that, I wanted to become a graphic designer. 

I’ve done the research. But my father, everyday, doesn’t fail to try and push me in the medical field. I have come back from one such speech. I was eating my snacks, when he began on the glories of doctors. I got so frustrated, I began to cry. I hate crying, especially after my dad told me to stop. He started teasing me for crying after I decided to leave. Probably to make me laugh. But he never understands! I don’t want to be a doctor. I may be good at Biology, and it may come easily to me, but I have no interest in pursuing that field. I have no doubt that if I decided to agree, I would be on a plane after my 11th and 12th grade to the US or some other foreign country for medical studies. 

But, no, since I want to become a graphic designer, I have a limited scope. My entire family would contribute if I wanted to become a doctor. I may have the aptitude for it, but has anyone considered the fact that maybe I don’t want to do it? At all? There’s no convincing a person whose mind is already made up. It just gets me so riled up. Everyone’s parents are supporting their career decisions, some even helping them by researching and presenting options, and here I have to do all the work by myself, while my mom remains indifferent, and my dad wanting me to do something else. I think this is actually pretty common for most children in India, at least. I feel so lost, so isolated. Like I’m adrift at sea. No one can help me, because I have struggle through this journey myself. I can only hope that one day I will become whatever I want to, and be happy.

I just want to tell everyone out there that it’s your life, and you should live it the way you want to. In the future, when you regret your decisions, no one who forced you to take them will be by your side. You do what you want to. And anyone else who tells you anything else can go to hell.

Invisible Girl, becoming visible again~

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