Uncrazy things

Guilt 

Hello everyone, it’s me again. I wasn’t able to post anything yesterday, because we were on a flight. I just came back from my native yesterday. Everyone thought I’d be happy to see my mom again, but I actually wasn’t. My mom, to say the truth, is a manipulator. She twists everything in such a way that I feel immense guilt over the smallest of mistakes. Today she was talking about how no one cares for her. My brother was the only one to wish her on Mothers’ day. The reason I forgot to wish her was because I thought it was on Friday, and when I asked my dad he said it wasn’t even in May. So I didn’t wish her. 

She just kept on saying how she realised her value in the house, and other things that really made me feel bad. I was planning to go to school today, so my friend offered to make lunch for me, since our house was still dusty and stuff. I was talking to her in the taxi yesterday, and my mom was continuously telling me to refuse her offer of lunch. It makes me feel really guilty that I think my mom is like this, that there’s something wrong with her. 

We’ve had a lot of huge ups-and-downs these few years, and I mean my mother-getting-up-and-disappearing and endless screaming and fighting and throwing things type of ups-and-downs. It was a really hard time for me, because I had to take care of my brother as well. My father was the reason my mom left for three months, so I didn’t even take help from him. I also had my exams going on, and with me being a perfectionist and having a lot of pressure to do well, it was one of the worst times of my life. And there are so many people who don’t have mothers, and I have a mother yet I don’t appreciate her, so it makes me feel really bad. I researched a bit online, and it turns out people like her are called emotional manipulators. And the thing is that she’s really good sometimes. She makes my favourite lunch, asks my father for things I won’t, stays up with me when I’m studying, and helps me a lot. She’s a really good mom, so why do I feel like something is wrong with her?

Okay, enough with the despressing stuff. This still is a little weird though. We were involved in a mini-accident yesterday. A motorcycle rammed into our taxi yesterday, and luckily no one got injured, but it was still something that was a little scary. And then there’s a new girl in my class who I haven’t met yet, but her mother doesn’t allow her to do stuff normal teens do and makes her study all the time, and when I told my mom about her, she just said that I had some competition. Not that I could get a new friend. She saw her as competition for my top spot in my class. She’s left the career choice to me, but my dad wants me to become a doctor. And he’s been pretty outspoken about it too. My friends have been really helpful in helping me cope with all this, but it’s still hard to open up to people who can judge you everyday. And the person I could talk about all this to has a lot of problems in her own life. So I don’t open up much. 

Well, thanks for listening to my rant. Do you have any problems like this in your life? If you do, you can come to me. I can’t assure that I can help, but I’ll try my best.  

InvisibleGirl, becoming visible again~  

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