The Ocean of Thoughts

Questions to the World

Hi everyone! I’m back, again. Right now I’m listening to a playlist sent to me by my friend. Let’s keep her name as Summer. She reminds me of summers, so I think that name suits her. So let’s get to business. Yeah, so my classroom got changed a few days back. And the new one is so small, and there’s a stink coming from outside, and the blackboard sucks. But it’s ok, cause my friends are there with me.

Also, we had a debate a few days ago, about whether we should spend money on space exploration or improving the condition of people on earth. I voted for space exploration. But when I was asked to state my reasons for choosing so, I got up, and my heart started beating so fast, and my hands were shaking like leaves. I felt like I would faint. I either had an unwarned panic attack, or I still have social anxiety. It makes me sad, I tried so hard all these years to lose it, to stand up in a crowd with confidence and show everyone what I am. I won Best Delegate in a MUN last year, so I thought that maybe my public speaking skills are improving, and maybe, just maybe, I might not get so anxious anymore. But it all went spiralling down. 

And then there’s this girl in my class. I won’t give her a name, because she’s not that close to me. She’s sort of pretty, but as my best friend Summer once said, people are only truly beautiful when they can be dark-skinned and still be beautiful. Not racist or anything, but most people in India regard fair-skinned people as beautiful, no matter whether they actually are. Whenever she tries to tell someone to do something, especially the boys, they laugh in her face, and go. I’ve heard many of the boys talking about her behind her back, merely as a pretty face, nothing else. It’s like she has no presence, no meaning, except that she’s pretty. Is that how boys think girls are? In that case, I’m actually grateful I’m popular for my awards, creativity and grades rather than my face. 

Also, sometimes I think people become friends with me just because I’m popular. Like they ask me to do stuff for them, give them my notes, my tips, so that they can become better. And people in my class regard me as a benchmark of success. For example, if someone beats me, they make a big deal out of it, and scream that they’ve beaten me in one thing. I mean, I know that I always get Academic Excellence in my school (sort of like valedictorian), but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being a person and suddenly become a benchmark. It’s irritating. I am not my grades, not my art, not even my pretty face. I am something much more substantial that that, a girl who can end you if you get on her nerves, whose sassiness is always on the max level, and whose brain works overtime. That’s why I like talking to you guys, even if no one reads my posts. You don’t know me for all those things, you know me as who I am. As the InvisibleGirl.

InvisibleGirl, becoming visible again~

Crazy Things

Catching-up, and other Candy Sweet Things

Why is it so hard to think of a title? It’s so hard for me, even though I’ve written an entire novel and write poems everyday. Well, anyways, I wanted to talk about TMI. Or the Shadow World, if you know what I mean. *wink* The newest book, Lord of Shadows, just came out today, and I got it. After a lot of persuasion. It’s so beautiful! I also have a lot of work because I missed 9 days of school, and the book is definitely not helping. I didn’t even come out of my room yesterday, I was continuously writing, and it was just depressing. I was feeling so empty. Well, my father finally got fed up and told me that he’s going to be writing a note for my teachers so that I don’t have to work myself to the bone. It’s difficult for me to not forget about basic concerns like sleeping and eating when there’s work incomplete. The perils of being a perfectionist. Also, my teacher finally gave me a compliment for my writing today! She’s a new teacher, my english teacher, and it makes me super happy that someone appreciates my writing.

And my neighbour is having a baby (oh my god) and she came to our house today. Our other neighbour played a song and the baby was kicking so much, it’s now the ‘Dancing Baby’. I wasn’t old enough to remember my brother being born, but I remember I hated him because I thought he was hurting my mother. 

And also, there’s this new girl in the class. I’ve told you about her. She’s pretty nice. But I keep trying to act like I’m not me, because I can’t talk about things in front of her, things personal to me. I was reluctant to share before, and now it’s killing me, because I’m not sharing stuff with anyone. Except for one person. My bestest online friend in the world, Hope. The reason I’ve named her Hope is because she’s my cause of hope in the world. Whenever I’m feeling down, she helps me right back up, no complaints. She even recognises whether I’m happy or sad based on what I’m typing, and that is seriously goals. I wish you could just meet her, this ball of sunshine, and I love her with all my heart. She’s the only one I’ve told about this blog. 

I hope you all have atleast one friend like her. Do you have any best friends who are a gift to your world? Tell me below in the comments!

Uncrazy things


Hello everyone, it’s me again. I wasn’t able to post anything yesterday, because we were on a flight. I just came back from my native yesterday. Everyone thought I’d be happy to see my mom again, but I actually wasn’t. My mom, to say the truth, is a manipulator. She twists everything in such a way that I feel immense guilt over the smallest of mistakes. Today she was talking about how no one cares for her. My brother was the only one to wish her on Mothers’ day. The reason I forgot to wish her was because I thought it was on Friday, and when I asked my dad he said it wasn’t even in May. So I didn’t wish her. 

She just kept on saying how she realised her value in the house, and other things that really made me feel bad. I was planning to go to school today, so my friend offered to make lunch for me, since our house was still dusty and stuff. I was talking to her in the taxi yesterday, and my mom was continuously telling me to refuse her offer of lunch. It makes me feel really guilty that I think my mom is like this, that there’s something wrong with her. 

We’ve had a lot of huge ups-and-downs these few years, and I mean my mother-getting-up-and-disappearing and endless screaming and fighting and throwing things type of ups-and-downs. It was a really hard time for me, because I had to take care of my brother as well. My father was the reason my mom left for three months, so I didn’t even take help from him. I also had my exams going on, and with me being a perfectionist and having a lot of pressure to do well, it was one of the worst times of my life. And there are so many people who don’t have mothers, and I have a mother yet I don’t appreciate her, so it makes me feel really bad. I researched a bit online, and it turns out people like her are called emotional manipulators. And the thing is that she’s really good sometimes. She makes my favourite lunch, asks my father for things I won’t, stays up with me when I’m studying, and helps me a lot. She’s a really good mom, so why do I feel like something is wrong with her?

Okay, enough with the despressing stuff. This still is a little weird though. We were involved in a mini-accident yesterday. A motorcycle rammed into our taxi yesterday, and luckily no one got injured, but it was still something that was a little scary. And then there’s a new girl in my class who I haven’t met yet, but her mother doesn’t allow her to do stuff normal teens do and makes her study all the time, and when I told my mom about her, she just said that I had some competition. Not that I could get a new friend. She saw her as competition for my top spot in my class. She’s left the career choice to me, but my dad wants me to become a doctor. And he’s been pretty outspoken about it too. My friends have been really helpful in helping me cope with all this, but it’s still hard to open up to people who can judge you everyday. And the person I could talk about all this to has a lot of problems in her own life. So I don’t open up much. 

Well, thanks for listening to my rant. Do you have any problems like this in your life? If you do, you can come to me. I can’t assure that I can help, but I’ll try my best.  

InvisibleGirl, becoming visible again~  

The Ocean of Thoughts, Uncrazy things


Hi everyone! InvisibleGirl here. I’m actually in my birth town, living with my grandparents. And I’d like to share some things that have happened in the past few days (and also, this was all in another language, so I did some basic translation):

Grandmother and me: 

Grandma: Come here! I’ve been calling you since 1, and it’s 2 pm and you still haven’t come for lunch!

Me: Ok, let me call my bro.

Grandma: He’ll come later, eat fast, the food will get cold!
Grandmother and my brother (5 min later):

Grandma: Come on and eat.

Bro: After 5 min. I’m not in the mood.

Grandma: Ok son, as you wish.

(She then proceeded to put the food back in the kitchen. Why couldn’t you have done that for me too?)


Grandmother and me: 

Grandma: I want you to learn how to cook food. Come here and I’ll teach you.

Me: Ok! (I want to learn, so I don’t have a problem.)

Father: Eh, what are you doing, she doesn’t know how to cook. Her mother doesn’t want her to learn. (My dad is pretty sweet in these matters however my mom never taught me how to cook so he’s stating facts here)

Grandma: Girls need to learn how to cook, what will she do when she gets married?
Grandmother and my brother: (He’s in fifth grade)

Brother: (is filling water bottles)

Grandma: He’s so cute! Such a responsible child! 

Grandpa: Yes, it’s good to see someone taking responsibilities like this.

Me: (Packing the suitcases again and again when my father keeps messing them up in the corner) Yay!


Everyone and me:

Me: (Locks room door for two minutes and then unlocks it again so that I can go to bathe)

Father: See, now she’s going to take hours to take bath. And why did she lock the door? I should never have given them separate rooms. 

Grandma: I hope that when she gets married she doesn’t have a mother-in-law. Or else she’s in big trouble. She takes so much time to take bath!
Everyone and my brother:

Bro: (Locks door for the entire duration of his bath)

Father: I seriously shouldn’t have given them separate rooms. 

Grandma: Let him do what he wants. 


And for the last incident, this might be a little weird for you, but it’s pretty common in my house, only in my native with my grandparents though.

Grandmother and me: 

Bro: (Hits me)

Me: You idiot! Stop it! 

Me: (Hits him back when it’s enough)

Grandma: Why are you hitting him? The poor child!
Grandmother and my bro:

Bro: (Hits me)

Me: Stop it!

Grandma: Hit me, child, if you want hit the chair.


Now do you see why I’m so upset? It’s not only that she practices it, she actually believes that   girls are less than boys! This has actually been happening from the very start. Even before I was born actually. When my grandma got to know at I was a girl, she wanted my mother to abort the fetus. So you can see why I’m not so eager to go to my grandparents’ house. This really had been bothering me a lot, so I wanted to talk about it. It’s a really small thing in my house, but there are places around the world where women are oppressed just because they are female. Everyone needs to fight for gender equality, because it is only when everyone is equal and unafraid of things such as this, that people can truly work towards progress. 

Thanks for listening to my rant. I’ve never told anyone about this yet. 

InvisibleGirl, becoming visible again~

The Ocean of Thoughts, Uncrazy things

Layers of Memories

Hi again! InvisibleGirl here. I just wanted to talk about some interesting I did today. I went on a walk with my father and my brother to explore my native city. I only come here during summer vacations, and I’ve spent two years of my childhood here (which I don’t remember), and surprisingly, it’s the first time I think I’ve actually actively left my iPad screen or my sketchbook and gone out to see the sights (even if the sights are the neighbouring streets). 

I visited so many places that were once near and dear to my heart. My father was telling me about this empty field, and how the land beyond it was empty when he was still living here. That made me think. His memory of the place is like a layer, while the sight I was seeing now was also a layer, my layer. Imagine every person who must have seen that place. So many layers, right? Now imagine all the layers being there together. I’d definitely go insane. 

But it’s such a beautiful thing. Everyone has a different memory about the same place, and no one sees the same place the same way. When I saw that field, I saw a place where boys my age played cricket. But when my father saw that field, he must have seen it as how it was then, when he was still a boy my age. Other people would see it in other ways. That way, even if a place was public, it still was private, atleast in our hearts. Because no one can see a place like you do. 

Also below are some photos I took on the walk. Forgive me for the quality, they were with my iPad. I also had a lot more ideas, but there were people walking, and so I couldn’t actually act on them.

Do you think the same when you see places? Layers of memories? Tell me below in the comments!

InvisibleGirl, becoming visible again~

Uncrazy things

Hello World!

InvisibleGirl here. 

I’ve decided to start a blog. 

Why, you may ask? Well, my brain has a lot of stuff inside it, and it’ll burst if I don’t get it out somewhere. I’ve tired to keep a diary, but my brother and parents find it all the time, and they’re particularly private things that they don’t know inside it, so…. you can probably see why keeping a diary in my house is dangerous. 

So I decided, out of the blue, one day to, you know, start blogging. My passion is writing, and even though my life is pretty boring, I try to do something fun everyday.

There’s also no point in keeping a diary. You write stuff in it, it gets stored somewhere, to probably get thrown as trash later. It’s better to make a blog where people can learn from stupid stuff I’ve done and how not to repeat them in the future. 

I also don’t want to worry about sounding stupid, or too emotional, too cliche to people around me. I want to be able to say what I want to say, the way I want to say it. That’s why this blog is anonymous. So I can be me, without worrying about all the strings attached. 

My friends would probably shake their heads at my decision, because I’m actually a very bubbly person in real life, and so me, keeping a secret? Nah. And also the fact that I have so many secrets, this one just adds to the pile, so I don’t mind. But I don’t listen to them. Friends are meant to irritate, not to give sagely advice (sometimes). They’re also meant to be with you so you don’t wander around lost and alone. Well, more on that later. 

But they don’t know about me and my bursting head. Not everything about it. It sometimes makes me anxious when I put my ideas out in the open, and since I absolutely have to, I’m just the InvisibleGirl, and not a real name, with a real internet presence. I also feel like being a teenage girl is a miracle on it’s own, and why are we not given awards just for existing? And going to school everyday? That’s how the world should be run. Everyone should be given awards for things that seem trivial, but aren’t. Especially us teenagers.

I also know that no matter how other teenage girls feel, whether they’re popular or a wallflower, we’re all the same. We’re all trying to make the best of a world that does it’s very best to push us down. So maybe one day we can all stop trying to add to that pressure, and maybe get together and do something (maybe sing songs around the campfire (that’d be one huge fire though)). 

But, until we all have a mass realisation, I’m going to try to continue existing like how I am, and try to make a few other lives easier. I’m going to speak out loud (atleast here) and hope that whoever’s listening will join me. It’d be awesome to have a kind of forum where we can all talk about our problems and help our fellow girls. And do a lot of other fun stuff too. 

Oh, before I forget, I also love drawing. And writing poems and stories. Also, I’m in love with taking photos. Photos are my fave part of art, because they’re all in the real world, and all you have to do is click a photo at the exact right time. Then, whenever you see the photo, you’re reminded of that time and experience a little bit of the emotion you felt when you took it. So I’ll be posting a lot of photos, and maybe poems (if you want them), over here. 

Well, I guess that’s it. Thanks so much for taking our some of your time reading this (if anyone is). And if you like what I’m doing, tell me in the comments below! Then maybe we can do this together, and one day, maybe sing around a campfire?

InvisibleGirl, becoming visible again~